There were times when I used to interrupt the person I was talking with. Either when I just remembered something and didn’t trust that my memory would hold onto the thought until they were done speaking, or whenever I heard something I didn’t agree with or considered a lie. My best friend and my therapist still experience the first case, and my family and partners the second, but much less often than before.

I recently took part in solving a misunderstanding, and I was surprised by how I mentally pinned the subjects the other person talked about that I didn’t see the same way. When it was clear the other person had reached the full stop, I started stating my case. When I went home, I realized there were a few things I had forgotten to clarify, but it didn’t bother me. That was a first. I could sleep well that night even if I hadn’t set the record straight on some subjects. I don’t know what in the lorazepam had gotten into me to be that calm. And I’m not taking anything, it must be the therapy.

One of the things that used to make me most anxious was trying to solve other people’s problems. Some people I know are still dealing with the same issues they’ve been dealing with for many years (drug and alcohol abuse, and other self-destructive choices) and it’s clear that my attempts to fix their problems have had no effect whatsoever in the past, so I’ve just let them be.

It’ll be sad if the paths they’re following end badly, but I have to release myself from the pressure of saving them. I’ve provided information, plans, and support that was never asked for. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

If someone asks for help, I’ll be here to do what’s in my hands, but I won’t offer it unprompted anymore. This mindset is reaching other less important areas of my relationships. Before, if a friend would tell me they’re visiting a place I’ve been to, I would send them a list of must-see monuments, nice restaurants and the schedules for every museum and cathedral. As if they don’t know how to use the internet themselves. Now I just let them know I’m available if they want advice and leave them to organize their trip in peace.

If a friend tells me their problems, I’ll listen and empathize, not try to fix them. If they ask for suggestions on what to do, that’s when I’ll give it to them.

I’ve asked myself whether this new behaviour is a bad thing, and whether it means I’m growing distant from my friends. After all, I like to feel I’m part of a community where we help each other. But I’ve come to realize that this only brings benefits. I feel lighter without carrying so many problems, and my friends still know I’m available, just not intrusive.