“If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
I didn’t like this saying the first time I heard it. When I interpreted what seemed to me its obvious meaning, dating someone out of convenience or availability, I found it unfair to that imaginary “one you’re with.”
A few years ago, reading about minimalism (Fumio Sasaki, The Minimalists, Marie Kondo, etc.) gave me a different point of view on this saying. Going through my storage closet, deciding what to keep and what to donate, and reeducating myself on how to consume, I came across stuff I forgot I owned. Things I hadn’t seen in months or years: clothes, books, unused stationery. Coming across them again made me feel as if they were new, and I felt the joy (Marie Kondo™) of using them for the first time. I was loving again the things I had been with all along.
Today I got another reminder of this. I’ve been looking for a record player for months. I checked my brother’s in case I could borrow it, but its speed is not regular and my vinyl records sound scary on it. I found two models I like in stores. A Prixton one, shaped like a tiny suitcase, cheap, that will not make me feel guilty if I buy it. And a Sony one, full-sized, more expensive but not prohibitive. I’ve been going back and forth in my head about which one to buy, and I’ve finally decided to wait until I’ve gotten a few paychecks in a row and feel more comfortable treating myself, and then get the Sony one. After reaching this conclusion for the umpteenth time, I closed all the tabs from my online window shopping.
And then, looking to my left, I saw a Discman I bought secondhand 5 years ago. It’s the coolest thing I own. A Sony D-E221 CD Walkman, the blue one. It serves the same purpose I’ve been looking for in a vinyl record player: putting on an album and letting it play. I’ve been doing that this past year even when streaming music. I don’t want to just listen to playlists. I like the calm and focus that comes with a full album.
And the CD player I own is even better than the vinyl record player in a few ways. I can take it with me on a walk in the park, and it can play anything from my CD collection, which is way bigger than my vinyl collection. This afternoon, I’m ok with loving the one (player) I’m with. I’m putting a couple of rechargeable batteries on it, picking up an album that will get my undivided attention, hitting play, and heading out for a walk.